Zayin
I meditated today on the seventh letter of the Hebrew alphabet, an exercise I began a few weeks ago working my way through all of the letters, one at a time. I am starting to recognize more and more by doing this how I receive messages but also that there is a different tone to my messages than my fellow students doing the same exercise. This meditation happened the day after our class where we spoke about self-love, self-care and being delicate. Hmmmm…. This idea of being delicate really struck me. Partially because my friend in the class had a hard time allowing her delicate side to be visible to others for very understandable reasons, yet she IS delicate in such beautiful ways. As are well all.
First to the message I received from my Zayin meditation. It was a very strong sensory message which is unusual for me. It does happen but not often. I smelled leaves decaying and smelled earth when it is first turned over. This is the message; “Nature is not perfect. It can be brutal (I didn’t want to write this word, but it repeated itself to me even as the day wore on and I worried about the strong meaning that came with the word). It can be dirty. Get your hands in the dirt. Smell the decay of the leaves. Be a part of life! You cannot hold yourself above or outside of this and only observe life. You cannot be afraid of getting your hands dirty or witnessing and experiencing reality (or brutality – but this is relative to each individual what they find “brutal”). You are not perfect! You are a part of Nature!”
It may seem like two different events: delicacy and decay and dirt, but really the fear around being delicate is denying life, perhaps this is why I was given the strong sense of decaying leaves. Life IS delicate. Life is dirty. Life is brutal. This meditation, to me, was about LIVING in every sense. It was encouraging me to leave behind my fear or dislike/discomfort of the less pleasant aspects of life. I felt very strongly that it was time to let go of the limits I have been setting myself all based on fear of discomfort. I felt very strongly how strong I was. I have the strength to experience Life in every aspect and must not keep holding a part of myself separate from it. There was no feeling of doubt. There was no feeling of avoidance. There was no feeling of panic. It was fact. I am strong. This is what we are meant to do in Life. The meditation was about what Life really means, why we are given this gift of Life and that we are meant to experience both comfortable, joyous, loving moments but also challenging ones, in small and large forms and for each of us this means something very different.
Finding Dharma 